A Year of Being Active

Do you know all those reels and advice posts showing how to change your life in a year? It's filled with clips of workouts, eating healthy food, chasing dreams, silencing notifications, and feeling confident. It shows the dream life that everyone's envious of.

Well, I did that. And here's how it went.

This is going to be another personal rambly post, kind of like a journal because I'm documenting this for myself to look back on years later. It will be extra long because I'm rambling about whatever comes to mind without editing much. So, grab a drink and settle down! ☕️

some background context

To me, being active means intentionally adding exercise or physical activity to daily routines. I wouldn't say that I was a total couch potato before but I did only whatever I had to.

I skipped PE in high school as much as I could and wasn't into regular exercise. As I'm the only child, my parents pampered me with food and did not worry about my size. Yeah, I was conscious about my body, but that just made me want to hide further. My physical activity wasn't something I specifically looked at.

However, I loved taking walks. I walked everywhere and it was easy to cover 10km a day without feeling tired at the end of it. I lived in an area where everything I needed—my school, my friends, and hangout areas—was within walking distance. It was also a beautiful area with tons of trees and was perfect for walks.

Although I had severe body issues at one point, I got over it in high school when an incident showed me that people would say things no matter what I looked like. My weight was prone to yo-yo-ing in whatever direction (with some help from PCOS) and spending a lot of time thinking about it wasn't helpful in any way. So, despite being a tad bit conscious about being the DUFF in every friend group, I didn't care to add proper exercise to my routine.

Cut to after lockdown, I was a bit active because of my circle. I played badminton with my colleagues when they were available and went for walks with a friend because she wanted company (also, to gossip*). Sometimes, I went on walks alone to listen to music and daydream.

But all of it was still kind of passive. I skipped if I was lazy or didn't sleep enough. There wasn't much motivation for me to include exercise as a habit. I didn't try to be physically active as such.

* As Penelope Bridgerton says, gossip is information.

what made me start being active

I love how all the fitness influencers say that it's super easy to start working out—all you have to do is get up, get ready, and get out of the house. I understand the intention but there's much more to it than that. Often, the rest of it is what holds us back.

Even when I wanted to exercise—mostly because I was working from home and needed to do something—I didn't get to it. Multiple things were holding me back.

In 2023, I finally started being physically active because of 3 changes. They are also the main reasons why I have been able to continue doing it.

1. getting a scooter

You see, although I wanted to exercise after graduating college, I did not have easy access to a big walkable area for the last few years.

For a while, I went to a nearby area with my friend. It took me 20 minutes of walking to reach the area with nice roads and footpaths. The journey to and fro was 40 minutes in total—30 if I walked really fast. It didn't leave a lot of time to actually walk in a good place. But I still went for a few months, until I had a really bad eczema breakout.*

I had to walk through a dusty road to get to the nice area. Despite showering after the walk every day, the dust affected my skin. For the first time ever, I had an eczema breakout on my both legs. It took over my calves and took MONTHS to heal. So, I stopped.

The problem here was that I didn't have a licence and a vehicle to go by or someone to drop and pick me up. When my colleagues and I started playing badminton, we only did it occasionally on Sundays and I had to take a longer route to get there to avoid the dusty road.

When I got my license in 2022, I didn't see the necessity to buy a vehicle as I would barely use it. I didn't know how many opportunities it would open for me. I was ignorant, thought I didn't need it badly enough, and kept struggling.

Funnily enough, it was my work that pushed me to look at getting a vehicle. I commuted by walking for a while but 4 km (one way) was a bit too much to walk while carrying the stone that is the Macbook Pro.** I started becoming tired very soon. I couldn't depend on my dad all the time and it wasn't easy to get autos/cabs at my office location.

* In case you don't know what living with eczema is like, it's a subtle nightmare. It isn't a huge problem like other illnesses but it's so fricking annoying because it affects random things in life and heavily influences lifestyle. ESPECIALLY exercise because sweat exacerbates eczema.

** Yes, I realize what a joke this statement is considering I now commute for 40 minutes while carrying said stone. But at least I'm not walking 4 km one way anymore. Only about 2 🙂 (More on this later.)

In March 2023, I got a scooter and it changed everything. Y'all. As someone who grew up with a mom who didn't drive (and didn't want me to), I did not know how much freedom I would get by being able to go to places on my own.

It's the main reason why exercise is a part of my daily life now. Because I could suddenly get to nearby places in 5-10 minutes, everything became easy. I started going for daily walks in the morning and I started playing badminton 1-2 times a week with my colleagues.

I became confident on the roads by riding the scooter almost every day to go for different things. It reduced a lot of the friction and made getting to places a very easy thing. It reduced several decision-making items and worries.

Take today for example. As I'm writing this, it's a chill Sunday and I did not plan on going for a walk. But around 4:30 pm, I suddenly felt like it. It took me no effort to get changed and reach the nice area within 15 minutes because I could easily take my vehicle. I didn't have to think about how I would travel to and back. If I didn't have my scooty, I wouldn't have gone.

Of course, having a vehicle has allowed me to do a lot more as well. Such as going to coffee shops for solo dates whenever I wanted, grabbing healthy food, and meeting friends at places without good access or public transportation.

I regret not getting a license and a vehicle as soon as the lockdown lifted. But it's better to be late than never.

2. getting a smartwatch

I would have been working out even if I had not gotten the watch. But I will admit, it would not be to the same extent as how I am with the watch.

I got an Apple Watch about a month before I got the scooter. I wrote a whole post about all the ways the watch has changed my daily life that you can read for in-depth details but, essentially, it motivated me to do more.

I used to track habits back when I used a bullet journal. That practice soon died after lockdown began and I didn't have anything keeping a streak or tracking my activity so that I could notice it and do better. The smartwatch changed that.

Since the device tracked everything for me and complimented me if I put in effort, I was extra motivated to exercise.

In case you don't know, I'm a bit competitive, especially against myself. I love improving and outdoing my best. Having daily goals on the watch and a fitness streak made me want to outdo myself more than ever. I am not ashamed to admit that seeing the notification about me closing my fitness rings makes me happy. The notifications saying I set a new record make my week.

I started exercising daily only because of the watch. I would have gone regularly enough otherwise but having daily goals and a streak made me want to put in the effort to work out every day.

I'm not as obsessed about it now because I have learnt to take breaks and not overdo things, but those rings still push me to be active every day.

3. like-minded people

People make all the difference in our lives. It's easy to do what the people around us are doing and vice versa. It is possible to lead a different life than all of your friends, but it is hard. You will either change your life to match theirs or find new friends whose lives match yours.

I was lucky enough that, in the past year, I was surrounded by people being physically active. Several people in my college friend group were being intentional about going to the gym regularly. My team members at the office were into playing badminton regularly.

It helped that the people I spend time with every day were being active and the people I was close to were doing it consistently. It felt great to hear their progress and share my progress with them.

One of my friends, whom I used to talk to every day, played a big part in helping me be consistent. We were close enough to text every day and push each other just a little bit but not so close that we would insist that the other should do something differently, if you know what I mean.

That little bit of push, whenever I needed it without being annoying, was what I needed. I wouldn't have gotten up at 7 in the morning to go for a run every day if someone made a big deal of me skipping. At the same time, I wouldn't have kept it up if nobody noticed me slacking and/or didn't say anything about it.

Similarly, finding a badminton group where we're friends while we play but aren't friends otherwise was nice. We are close enough that we cheer each other's progress but not close enough that we can't experiment and do embarrassing things. It helps that they play consistently but aren't too competitive.

Having the right kind of people around me made all the difference. It's not something that I can control but it is something that I can try for. I wouldn't have found the badminton group if I hadn't put myself out by playing with strangers.

It's definitely a hit-or-miss and it takes a while. For example, I tried being accountability partners with one friend and it was a massive failure. Another friend was interested only in walking with me and not running. Some people were either too casual or too hardcore and didn't match my wavelength.

It takes time but it's worth it. I was lucky that I had/found the right people when I needed them.

getting started with running

For a few months, I was pretty consistent with morning walks and badminton. I would play badminton with my colleagues once or twice a week and walk on most of the other days with a friend. I walked alone if she wasn't free.

I don't remember the exact month when I started jogging—it was either in May or June. My walking companion had to go to another city for work and I was going for morning walks alone.

Since the area was good, many people came there for exercise. I was always surrounded by people working out in different ways—walks, slow jogs, runs, and cycling. I saw people jogging so often that, one day, I thought, "If they can do it, why can't I?"

It's funny because I'm generally not that kind of person. For a long time, I had not tried jogging because I was conscious about my body. But there were so many people jogging or running around me that I wouldn't stick out. So, I gave it a go.

My initial attempt was quite pathetic, I won't lie. I started in a specific place so that I would be going downhill and it would be easier. I jogged for barely 100 m before stopping. It was so uncomfortable—my breathing wasn't right, my movements didn't feel right, and I did not want to continue.

But, I did a full circle till I came to that point again, and I tried again. And again. I jogged for 100-200 m and then walked for 700 m. That was my circuit for a couple of weeks.

I increased my jogging distance very gradually and only on the downhill path. I wasn't training for anything or aiming at a goal. So, every time, I would just jog until I felt like stopping. As my body got used to it, the distance became longer.

Within a couple of weeks, I realized that my casual cotton shirt and track pants were not cutting it. I got proper workout clothes. Proper tops and pants, and a running bra which made a huge difference. I didn't have a reason to get workout clothes before. Getting them made things easier and motivated me to try harder.

After a while, my knees started hurting. My friend rightly asked me what shoes I was running with because maybe they were the problem. I was running with walking shoes which was nooot a good idea. I got new running shoes which almost instantly made my knees feel better.

Looking back, I regret that I didn't do more research before buying the pair of shoes. It fit perfectly when I tried it on but I didn't realize that I should be getting shoes that were slightly larger because our feet expand while running. My shoes were too tight during my runs and I soon had multiple small issues because of that.

See, the thing is, I was not researching at all. I was also not asking for help because I didn't think that I was "running". As I had started jogging to "simply try it", it felt like a random thing that I did. I was not researching about running shoes or looking at helpful stretches.

Did it hinder my progress and cause small issues along the way? Maybe. I didn't look at it seriously because I wasn't doing it seriously. But thankfully, my body is young enough that it didn't cause any lasting damage. I was also stopping for breaks/rest if I was tired or hurting so that helped.

I didn't consider what I was doing running so much that I was still using the walking workout on my watch. I laugh at myself now that I think about it. My mindset began to change only when two of my friends called what I was doing running (one saw me running, the other saw my time).

It was at least 4 months later when I switched to using running workouts on the watch. By then, my circuit looked like 700 m running + 300 m walking. I was doing 5 km in total.

It was around this time that I uninstalled social media. Mid-July 2023. I don't know if having those apps on my phone would have drastically changed anything but I do think that it would have been a tad different.

Because I didn't have social media, I got into running simply because it felt good. Each bit of progress felt good. I didn't seek external validation and I was not comparing myself to anybody. The progress that I shared with a couple of people via text felt more special because they were the only ones to know it.

Essentially, I was working on myself out of the spotlight. I was not trying harder to showcase it to the world or to prove things to anybody. I was not doing it for validation. All I was looking at was my distance and the time it took for me to cover that on my watch. And I think that made my relationship with running a really good one.

And soon, I fell in love with it. I never understood the "runner's high" when I heard people refer to it before. But once I felt it, I understood why people keep running.

running + badminton

In the initial few months, I was running 4-5 times and playing badminton 1-2 times a week. I took breaks if I went on vacation or if I was sick/injured. But when life was good and steady, I was pretty consistent at both.

Running + walking 5 km multiple times a week significantly changed my body and life. As I was working out in the mornings before work, I would be completely wrung out by night time and would get great sleep. I started gravitating towards more nutritious food because my body was lowkey craving it. My stamina and endurance increased—I could see the difference in my running pace and recovery time.

It was also around this time that my office shifted to a different location, completely changing my commute. It used to be a 10-15 minute drive. Now, it is a 40-45 minute commute consisting mostly of walking/standing. I have to walk 1 km to get to public transportation, travel through it for 10-15 minutes, and then walk another 10 minutes. And no, I'm not going to drive because I'd rather have this commute than drive for 45 minutes one way in Bangalore traffic.

The addition of a long but doable walk commute caused my workout schedule to change. It was easier for me to run a 5k and go to the office when it was a drivable commute. But running 5k and then walking while carrying a heavy bag at the start of the day made me far more exhausted than I expected.

For the first few weeks, my legs would hurt for days. I got used to it after a while and took a few more rest days, but it still makes a difference.

The fact that my commute alone contributes to a proper 30-minute workout minimum meant that I couldn't run as much anymore. It's not impossible, I can do it, but it's too taxing and I didn't want that. I'm not a hardcore runner or fitness person to chase my workouts despite everything.

"Working out is easy" if the rest of your day is not physically demanding. Sometimes, a good morning run means that I am not able to do my best at work. Other times, a bad workday means that I skip the next morning's workout. And let's not even talk about differing energy levels throughout the moon cycle. Some days, I have shitty workouts simply because my body is going through a wringer.

The hardest part was getting back to working out whenever my routine broke. The most common cause was my period. I have painful periods and my body is a wreck for a good handful of days. I can barely stand so there was no way I could exercise while on my period.

Initially, every time I got back to running after my period, it was as if I was starting over. My progress took several steps behind in those few days and I had to gradually improve all over again. It would take me almost 2 weeks to get to where I was before my period.

We don't talk enough about how the menstrual cycle affects workouts and "consistency." I would be having great workouts before suddenly hurting within 1km, and when I get my period a few days later, I understand why. It's hard to stay consistent when it feels like your body is actively working against you.

Almost a week in every month is gone because I can't work out and another one or two weeks is spent recovering from it. That gives me only around one week to get better. I wish more people spoke about this because I barely see this acknowledged even by women in the online fitness space. One of my friends who has recently been posting fitness stuff made a video about it and that was the first time I felt like my experience is not an anomaly.

Menstrual cycles dictate more of our energy levels than we expect. Although I've learnt enough over the past year to adjust my routines and take breaks, there's so much more for me to know. I don't remember who but someone recommended Red Moon by Miranda Gray for this and it's on my TBR.

The above is also why I don't like discussing my fitness with men unless they're my closest friends. Very few men accept without question when I cancel on badminton days or say no to workout company. I don't like explaining my schedule to people or talking about my "progress" because I know that my journey is very different from that of a man who started working out around the same time as me.

Getting back to exercise after vacations or hard work days is also a struggle, but it is easier than returning after a period month after month.

Eventually, returning got better. Although my progress is still set back after a break, it's not as bad anymore. I'm able to catch up quickly and my body recovers faster. It has taken quite some time for my body to get used to returning and recovering but it's better now.

However, my commute change made running regularly hard and I eventually stopped running as much. I have to go to work even when my body is not doing great so my recovery times are longer and I don't have enough days where I have enough energy to run AND have a full day otherwise. I still run sometimes on the weekends but my running frequency has reduced a lot.

I've said in my blog posts before that my running has reduced and I don't mind it. I gave a bunch of other reasons but the main truth is what I said above. I just did not have the energy to explain all of that before. It's hard enough for me to acknowledge to myself that despite all of the care, my body is not up to doing everything that I want to do regularly.

Finding a badminton group in early 2024 has been a blessing because it gave me a way to exercise and have fun regularly without exhausting myself. It's still hard some days, I won't lie, but it's far easier than running.

I played once or twice a week with my colleagues for the longest time but once the commute changed for everyone, the schedules did not match. Eventually, I started joining random groups online to play at the nearby court. I didn't mind going alone with strangers and it was honestly not that hard. I'm not a totally shy introvert anymore.

It was fine for a while but men started being men and I had a couple of not-so-good interactions which made me stop. Thankfully, right before I quit for good, a nice middle-aged man (he was Tamizhan too so he treated me like a niece) that I played with recommended that I join a group that played regularly in the same court. He said that I would improve a lot with them and while it's hard to get spots with the group, it's worth it.

I got a spot about a week or so later and I could immediately see that their skill level was far above mine. However, I liked the energy and it made me want to try harder. The host asked if I wanted to join the WhatsApp group and I said yes, and since then, I've been playing with them regularly. I stopped joining random games.

This group is made up of a variety of members with different play styles and skill levels. One of the hosts is over 60 years old and he plays so well! I've improved massively since I joined them and it's really fun to play with them. I'm still not a big challenger against most of the other players but it just means that I have a lot of scope for growth.

It was weird for a while in the beginning because I am the only girl (so far) in the group. However, all the regular players are great and don't make me uncomfortable at all. Eventually, we've grown closer to tease or playfully challenge each other. The hosts are especially very nice.

I'm currently playing badminton 3-4 times a week and running whenever I have the energy and time. For some reason, although apparently, I lose more calories in 60 minutes of badminton compared to 60 minutes of running, I don't feel as tired with badminton.

It's a full-body workout and I sweat like crazy but I'm not depleted of energy like I am after a long run in the morning. It probably helps that I have fun while playing and I take one or two breaks because we rotate.

Many of my friends exercise almost every day and while it sometimes feels like I could be doing the same, I quickly remember that my regular day includes more exercise than theirs so it's valid for me to not have as many specific workouts.

On a regular workday, I can close all 3 of my activity rings without including a separate workout simply because of my commute and how much I move during the day. So, I give myself grace take more breaks, and focus on doing what I can without pushing my body into burnout.

Exercise is more annoying the longer my hair grows. This is a tiny problem but it's something I notice every time I play or run. I used to put it in a simple pony before and now I braid it. It's an extra weight that I have to deal with. I want to grow it to a certain length, though, so I'm dealing with it.

my diet

My 2023 did not begin with resolutions or time to even think about goals. By the time I got some time to breathe, it was February and I felt like I was behind everyone else. It felt like I should be doing something for myself after working almost non-stop for months.

So, in Feb 2023, I decided to go off maida (refined wheat flour) and reduce my sugar intake as much as possible. I chose specifically these two because they're technically good changes and they're easy enough for me to follow through.

Let me explain the sugar bit first since that's shorter. I am not a huge sweet person. My mom loves sweets but I've always disliked most sweets and don't mind skipping them. I take after my dad who loves spicy food. I can live without sugar but I can't live without chili. We stopped using white sugar at home years back as well so all I had to do was avoid it when possible when I ate outside.

To explain the maida choice, let me take you through back in time for a bit. If you were around or followed my blog in 2019-20, you might remember this because I spoke a lot about it during the experience.

I had a branchial cyst that developed slowly over several months. It got so big that it cut off my air supply at times due to which I couldn't breathe well and it looked absolutely ugly. I had to get surgery to remove it as the permanent solution and since it was a major surgery (i.e. with general anaesthesia), my body had to pass some tests.

My thyroid levels did not pass the test. Apparently, I had hyperthyroidism. It wasn't even on the border, it was way past it. I had a bunch of health issues one after another since 2016 and this felt like a continuation of that. I had to get my thyroid level back to normal before I could do the surgery. The main suggestion was to regularly exercise and avoid maida.

As I said earlier, I was not a big exercise person. I went on more walks but nothing more than that. However, I did properly cut out maida. It was hard to be eating only home food in college when all my friends were having tacos and pizzas but I had no choice. After a while, it became easy to say no to junk food and not get tempted.

7 months later, my thyroid levels were back to normal. It shocked me how that simple change in my diet could affect me so much. I started having food with maida again after surgery but it never became much because I wasn't much tempted and was aware of how bad it was.

So, when I was looking for a goal in 2023, cutting off maida again seemed like the obvious choice. I had done it for 7 months before so doing it for a year shouldn't be that hard. Besides, I'd rather not have it ever than look at such an alarming test report again.

A lot of people in real life have asked me about my diet and it always feels weird because I'm not following any strict regimen. I'm simply avoiding what's bad and having more of what feels good.

Avoiding maida and sugar was the only specific diet choice that I made. However, it meant that my food options were reduced, especially if I was eating out. I'm also vegetarian so my food options are close to nil in most places. It cut off almost all of the junk foods as well because they're almost always made with maida.

Before going anywhere, I would check out the menu first to see if there were food options for me. In the first few months, I often had to ask my friends to choose another place so that I could eat too. I couldn't eat a bunch of the food that my friends would order and sometimes felt left out but it wasn't that hard because I had done it before. It's so easy to eat junk food unless we avoid it without any leeway.

The most common main course option for me was salad so I started more of them and grew to love them. After I started working out properly, it was like my body craved fruits and vegetables all the time. I would get excited about visiting places with appealing salads.

When I was a kid, I was very picky about vegetables. Well, no more. I now eat all the vegetables and actively choose food that contains more of them. I started to drink more juices and have fruits as snacks. I suggest visiting places with healthier food when I go out with friends. My reader friends actually got into salads because of me 😂

As more of my friends started working out and becoming conscious about their diet, it became easier to go for healthier options. I now have a favourite place nearby that serves great healthy food. I go there and a few other places with my friends a lot. I learnt that I love colourful plates consisting of less rice and more vegetables.

My water intake increased noticeably, especially on days when I exercise. I now always have a bottle near me and refill my bottle multiple times during the day. I feel thirsty more and I feel better hydrated too.

As I exercise quite a bit regularly and there isn't a lot of protein in my regular meals, I started taking protein powder. Within two months of running regularly, I could tell that my body was not recovering fast enough. My friend suggested trying protein powder so I tried the whey protein one he used. I could feel the difference almost immediately. It was wild. I didn't like the chocolate flavour that I got but I got used to it soon enough. Its effect was worth bearing the taste.

I was concerned about the protein powder having sucralose, though, so I looked for one without it. I didn't find any whey protein without it so I got a plant protein one that another friend recommended. It takes longer to affect but does the job for me. I didn't like the chocolate flavour again so I tried other flavours and stuck with the Japanese Matcha one. That's the flavour I've been having for the last several months. If you're curious, it's Cosmix's Japanese Matcha plant protein powder. I sometimes joke that my protein shake is my morning matcha 😂

As I don't exercise as often anymore, I don't have it very regularly. I usually have it only after a running or badminton workout. As I'm writing this, I tried going off protein for a month to see if I still need it. Because I started having it when I was running regularly and I don't anymore, I wondered if I needed it still. Well, I do, lol. I can see my recovery not being fast enough after consecutive days of badminton.

I started having it again a couple of weeks back and could see the difference quickly. I am recovering faster, sleeping better, and I'm playing so much better. The other day, my playpals asked if I had a different breakfast before playing because I was on fire 😂 I would say protein powder is a must for any vegetarian who exercises regularly.

I also became an egg-etarian. A lot of people consider eggs to be "vegetarian" but we don't think that way. My family is pure vegetarian i.e. we don't touch eggs or meat. My parents don't even go to restaurants where meat is served. My mom did say that I could have eggs outside the house because I needed the protein back when I was having health issues but it's banned in the house. I said no then and she hasn't brought it up again since.

After months of running regularly, my body was craving protein. Although I started protein shakes after my workouts, it was still not enough. I tried omelette once when my colleagues were having it on vacation and liked it. So I had a couple bites of it again a few months later and, cut to mid-2024, I started having omelettes pretty regularly when I eat outside.

As of now, I still don't like forms of egg other than a regular omelette. It tastes and feels weird. I also avoid omelettes before going on car rides because the smell and taste can increase my nausea (I actually used to feel nauseous if I smelled it until a few years back). The smell of other non-veg food also makes me nauseous all the time. But omelettes are a yes in my book. And no, my parents don't know that I have it sometimes 🙃

In conclusion, my diet did not suddenly change and I did not take advice from anyone for a "healthier" diet. As I'm not on social media, I was not influenced by any posts. I still have my vices like coffee and french fries. I still eat a lot of rice items which is considered fatty. I treat myself to boba teas when I feel like having them. But still, most people around me consider my diet to be healthy. It slowly changed as a byproduct of avoiding maida and craving more vegetables and protein.

After over a year of following a pretty strict diet and making my food intake healthy, I loosened the reins. For the past few months, I've been having sweets and dishes with maida at times. I don't consider maida foods as an option but if I'm out with friends and their dishes look great, I try a bite or two. I have sweets if my mom offers to get me some. I snack on "junk" if I feel like it.

I know that my choices lean towards healthy most of the time and that I'm not prone to suddenly gorging myself on food that's not good for me. So, I have some "not great" food at times and it's okay. I don't want to live my life by banning myself from trying things. I did it for a year because I wanted an easy goal which I achieved. I might do it again someday. But for now, I am not keeping a strict diet.

how being active affected other areas of my life

The first change that I noticed was hunger. Before, I could easily skip a meal or eat late easily. If there weren't people around me eating on time, I was prone to forgetting about eating. For some reason, I didn't feel very hungry often. Even when I did feel hungry, I could wait to eat later without issue.

About a month after I started running regularly, right before my period, I was hungry like never before. I usually have lunch with my colleagues at the office and wait for them if their meetings are running over or something. One day, I was so hungry that I went to eat by myself at 1 pm (which is early). I was so hungry that I couldn't wait for them.

Nowadays, if I don't have meals on time, I start feeling hungry. I've become more food-motivated. I make sure to have at least a banana after waking up if breakfast will take time. I pull my colleagues for lunch every day. On the recent Ladakh trip, I brought up food whenever meals were delayed and I carried protein bars with me all the time.

I've started snacking too. I never used to snack between meals. I had biscuits with tea sometimes but that's it. Nowadays, I snack so much. I snack on biscuits in the office before lunch. I carry dry fruits or fruits to snack on while working. I eat chaats or something in the evening often enough. I always keep snacks in stock in the office and at home. I've become a snacker!

I had mood swings for the first time. Although I've had periods for over a decade now and have dealt with all the problems it comes with, I didn't have mood swings. My mom and friends have mentioned how my temperament stays even and that they wouldn't know I'm on/about to get my period unless I mention it.

As I have PCOS, my periods are not regular and they come on random days. I used to be always taken by surprise. I didn't have mood swings, cravings, bloating, or any other PMS symptoms that I could use to gauge when my period would start.

Well, no more. I can now pretty easily tell when I'll get my period. I feel bloated, my mood suddenly dips, and I feel hungry more the week before my period starts. This is how most women have been experiencing life since puberty and I was experiencing it for the first time. It was wild.

For a while, running regularly helped regularize my cycle and even helped with my cramps. But after a while, my cramps started worsening the more I exercised. I had the absolute worst set of cramps a few months back which lasted for like 5 days. I had never felt that much pain before. It reduced the next month because I took more breaks. So, I learnt that there's an optimum amount of exercise that helps and beyond that is worse.

Running 5k daily, even if it includes walking breaks, is a lot. It's no small thing. Because I did it gradually, I didn't feel like it was a big thing for a long time until I saw how others reacted when I said that I covered 5k. I just kept going by looking at small bits of progress without looking at the big picture. That's why I was not expecting to lose weight.

It wasn't until people started commenting on how much weight I lost that I properly looked at myself in the mirror. Once I started noticing it, I couldn't stop noticing it.

I know that my weight is prone to yo-yo-ing either way depending on my lifestyle but seeing the difference in the past year has been wild. At one point, I was losing 1kg almost every few days. It feels more because I didn't set out to lose weight at all. I reduced about 9 kgs within the first few months of running and am now 12 kgs less than I was before I started running.

Because running and badminton are mostly cardio, my waist size has reduced like crazy. It legit felt like my waist was shrinking. It was so weird.

I was the same weight for years and put on only a couple of kgs in the pandemic. Once I started losing weight last year, it didn't stop. Even now that my exercise has reduced, I'm still slowly losing weight. I ate so much on the Ladakh trip and expected to have put on a bit but my clothes felt looser when I got back and when I checked, I found that I lost another kg. How?? I didn't do anything strenuous!

For now, it's fine but if it keeps continuing, I'll have to properly look at maintaining my weight. I don't know if it's my hyperthyroidism that's taking over. I don't want to lose a lot. I like how I am.

Most of my clothes became too loose. Tops are still fine and manageable but jeans and pants are not. I started wearing belts with all of my jeans to hold them up. Eventually, my favourite jeans did not look good on me anymore. I didn't have time to shop so I kept trying to make them work. My mom literally told me to stop wearing those jeans because they made me look bad and that's when I accepted it.

I have a funny story. I reorganized and cleaned my closet around this time to unhaul clothes that didn't work for me anymore. I found a pair of jeans that my aunt bought for me several years ago. Probably in 11th or 12th grade? At least 8 years back. I tried it on only after we travelled back to my city and found that it was too tight for me. I also didn't like the feel of them to make it work. So, it's languished at the back of my closet since then.

The jeans surfaced again during the closet reorganization and I tried them on to see if they magically fit this time. And they did! They were just a tad bit tight but fit well otherwise. I was so surprised. It was like a gift from the past. The colour, the feel, and the fit were great. I was mainly happy that I didn't have to go hunting for a good pair of jeans.

Well, in the months since then, those jeans have become loose as well. It was a tad bit tight then perfect then a little loose and, in about two months, I had to start using a belt for it too. I now really have to shop for a new pair of jeans. It's funny how the jeans went from being too tight to too loose in about a year.

There was another pair of tight jeans in the closet that I bought in, I think, 10th grade that has also been chilling for years. I had drastically lost weight then and needed new clothes and this was the one pair of jeans that I had gotten. Soon, I had put on weight so I couldn't wear them anymore. It fits me now. It also wasn't my style before but works well for professional outfits. I wear it quite often.

It's so surprising how I now like old clothes that didn't fit or weren't my style. It says a lot about changing styles and preferences as we grow older.

I already found it hard to shop before and now it's worse. Clothes are usually made for women who are super thin and they're simply enlarged to be sold in bigger sizes. Clothes don't properly fit and flatter women who wear larger sizes.

It took me so long to figure out a style that flattered me and that I was comfortable in. I liked full-sleeved shirts, loose tops, regular-fit jeans, and jackets. I liked being comfy and avoided clothes that clung to my skin. It took me a lot of tries to find clothes that I liked but I finally knew what to look for.

Now that my body looks different, I need to find a new style. My body shape has changed after losing weight. My previous style does not look as flattering on me anymore. I can make some of the clothes work but none of them feel good anymore.

I bought flared pants from BlissClub last year when I was down to one pair of jeans which looked so good on me. They have kept bigger women in mind when designing it and it shows. It flatters me so well and I've been building a style around it since then. I bought a couple more of them because it's so hard to find multiple pants that look good.

I'm wearing more pants and athletic wear than jeans now. The pants with elastic bands work better because they are not for one specific waist size so they work even if I lose weight a bit.

A few months back, I went to a mall with the idea of buying at least one pair of jeans. It took a long time but I finally found a pair that fit like a glove and looked great. It's a light blue flared pair of jeans. Well, it's now loose for me. I enjoyed it only for a few months.

Because I've not been able to make jeans work for longer than a few months, I'm not stocking up on jeans anymore. I'm sticking to pants, especially athletic wear.

Surprisingly, I'm now into crop tops and fitted clothes. I hated them before but they're my thing now. I got a few new ribbed crop tops and they look so good on me with flared pants. Since my waist size has significantly reduced and I have a shape that I can show off, these tops look great on me.

I still don't have enough outfits where I feel good in each of them. I'm still making a bunch of old clothes work because I don't want to overhaul my entire wardrobe. But I love the few pairs of new outfits and I feel so good in them.

My style has also travelled in two different directions. I like fitted clothes and feeling feminine on some days. On other days, I am drawn to oversized masculine outfits. I have either crop tops and kurtis or loose shirts from the men's section. The men's section has such good stuff and some days, I just don't want to feel like I'm a woman, you know? Some days, it's more comfortable to not look feminine.

My confidence has increased a lot in the past year. Half of it is because of the new clothes that flatter me. I feel good wearing them and I get many compliments which increases my confidence too.

But also, just the fact that I exercise more has increased my confidence. I know how much I can put my body through now and I know that it can handle a lot more than I thought it could. I feel healthier and am happy with my food choices.

I like that I can run faster and play badminton better. It's so gratifying to see the progress in my skill, especially in badminton because I notice it while playing against people. I am now able to take drops and shots that I couldn't before and can hold my own in a match. I get claps and compliments for good plays.

There is a certain confidence that only comes from being satisfied with how you are. External validation helps but knowing that you're doing better by seeing the difference is something else entirely. I only ever got that kind of confidence in my writing before because of blogging but I now have it in other areas of my life too.

The confidence is seen in my posture and the way I present myself too. I am less afraid to try new outfits and wear an outfit different from whoever I'm hanging out with. I don't mind standing out anymore. It even feels good sometimes.

The only real downside has been increased eczema. Eczema increases due to sweat. It's a known statistic that people with eczema tend to exercise less because it is uncomfortable. It leads to flare-ups and discomfort throughout the day.

Although I shower immediately after working out, it still takes time for me to travel home and shower. The difference is maybe 30 minutes max but it is enough for eczema to worsen. It is worse when I run because my worst eczema spot is on my right hand where the skin folds when my hand is not straight. The sweat accumulates there and I can see it flaring within a day.

I've had multiple "worst" eczema flare-ups in the last year. The pain and itching have increased to a level that I don't remember facing before. I've had to use meds and creams prescribed by doctors more.

The eczema area has noticeably increased in size over the past year. And this is with me taking special care of it. My eczema takes up a lot of my brain space, unfortunately. I am still learning to take care of it to have fewer flare-ups.

Because of all of the above changes, it sometimes feels like I don't know my body anymore. I had to newly learn to deal with PMS and understand when I am having mood swings. I eat all the time. My body looks and feels different. Even the way I walk and move has changed. Some days, my body feels alien to me.

Although my confidence has grown, it also randomly dips at times when I'm stumped by something. Like, I didn't realize that my body shape was different now. It didn't occur to me to even think about it. I still get confused about whether I'm hungry or I'm having period cramps. I still don't properly know when I need to schedule rest.

Even my sleep feels different now. Either I sleep very well or horribly. I'm having way more dreams than I used to. Earlier, I never remembered my dreams after waking up but now I remember more and more. I think of dreams days later. My sleep posture has changed as well.

It'll take me a while to get used to new things. It just feels weird to not know my body after 25 years.

reactions from people around me

I don't know where to start. There's so much that I can say. It's as if people couldn't stop reacting about how I've changed and although it has tapered off, it hasn't stopped yet.

The overwhelming reaction is definitely about my weight loss. As I mentioned earlier, I didn't really think of it until people started commenting on it. I don't remember when it exactly started but it felt like it started out of nowhere a couple of months after I started running.

I think I easily lost a bunch of weight in the beginning because of burning fat while running. So, I kinda quickly reduced about 5-6 kgs and it was visible. Even my face was thinner.

Suddenly, people were like "what are you doing? you've lost weight!" And I used to say, oh I'm going walking in the mornings because I didn't think what I did qualified as jogging/running for months like a fool. They would reply, "that's it?" which I understand. Walking doesn't create a quick result.

I kept running. The comments kept increasing. It became so much that I was receiving about at least one comment a day for weeks. Some days, I received multiple. They started from simple comments like the above to questions like, "what is your workout routine?" and "tell me your secret!" It was so weird to be on the receiving end of that.

It's still understandable coming from people I work with regularly but soon it felt like everyone was thinking about it. My business unit's director commented on it one day! Some colleagues asked me about it multiple times over weeks because, apparently, I kept getting thinner. I couldn't fathom why people were spending so much brain space over my weight loss.

It was also coming a lot from my mom. She was worried about my health and was trying to feed me more. She brought up going to the doctor multiple times. The neighbour commented on it once and my mom couldn't stop talking about me becoming thin for the rest of the day. I had to reassure her a lot that it was only because of the increase in my exercise and not anything else.

No matter how much I tried to not care and go with the flow and just enjoy my activities, I couldn't escape it. It was especially bad in November '23 because, if I remember right, I was about 9 kgs less compared to July '23 and it was pretty evident.

I don't mind getting validated for my effort and I was glad that people could see I was taking care of myself, but it quickly got to be too much coming from people whom I'm not close to. Maybe I would have been less annoyed if a past experience wasn't colouring my views. I don't know.

The reactions made me extra aware of my body and the space I take up, which I absolutely hated. I had body issues in high school (I swear, all body issues stem from high school) and it took me a good number of years to get to a healthy state of mind. I was doing fine accepting my body for what it was and not thinking too much about weight etc. But suddenly, it was as if the universe was telling me to look at myself closely. I didn't like it.

I started getting annoyed and brushing it off and changing the topic, and apparently, that made people more curious. The less I spoke about it, the more people were talking about it. I did not know how to stop it.

The thing is, I quit social media around the time I started running. I believe this led to more reactions.

Nowadays, people usually work in public. People start 90-day challenges and post about it from day 1. Everyone's documenting everything they do. Everyone's oversharing about their daily routines, what they eat, what they shop, when they rest, etc. The Show Your Work! lifestyle is widespread in this age of social media. This is especially the case when people are working out or making healthier choices.

I'm not saying I'm any different. I overshare on this blog about almost every aspect of my life. Every month, I talk about what I did and what I want to do next. I tell you whether I read a book in the mornings or the weekends. I share my random thoughts and whether I felt cold someday. This post is a huuuge oversharer.

I was posting vlogs for a while since I had time and wanted to try it out. It was just a compilation of clips about what I did during the day and included many small things that don't matter.

But there is a difference between compiling things in one post and sharing daily—or hourly—updates. I have been doing the former and not the latter. Most people in my real life don't read this blog so they didn't get the former as well. They knew no updates. I wasn't giving information to everyone about my exercise routine either, I didn't talk about it much.

It was as if I showed up with the results without the process or showing behind-the-scenes clips. They didn't have the option of seeing my social media or hearing from someone else who followed me online. People had to ask me if they wanted to know what I was doing. And boy, they did.

It was interesting to be admired as if my life is an ideal one. When I answered that I covered 5 km by running + walking every day, people would straight up say that they wished they could do that. I was admired for eating healthier food and avoiding junk. People would literally tell others in front of me that they admire me for maintaining my routine.

I felt very perceived suddenly and it wasn't a great feeling. For the first time, I felt so seen and lowkey worried about everything I said and shared. It makes sense to be noticed when I do something deserving that—like working on a big project. But to see my weight noticed so much when I was doing nothing to highlight it was uncomfortable.

It was a very weird period because I had to get used to my changing self and deal with others' reactions as they got used to a different me at the same time.

Thankfully, the reactions have reduced. I'm losing weight only gradually now and there aren't that many people around me who I see every day who have known me for over a year. Changing seasons brought new colleagues and friends. A lot of my colleagues are new and know me as I am now and others have gotten used to how I look. I feel more at ease.

It still comes up sometimes when I meet people after a long time. My school friends saw me after about 6 months and one of them said that I had become half of myself. I wore a swim set after months on a trip and my friends were shocked for minutes that it's the same shirt from a few years back because it looked completely different on me.

A colleague who returned to the office after months apparently couldn't recognize me and asked their teammate what I did. People I see once in a while ask whether I lost weight again and that I'm even thinner now. A recent colleague saw the photo on my ID card and said that I look so different in that.

The funniest part is that I'm still not actually very thin. I still wear a size large in everything. I don't have a flat stomach or an athletic body. But apparently, I'm half of what I used to be. To be very honest, even I'm sometimes surprised when I see photos of myself from early '23, which is only over a year ago.

These reactions might never stop unless I put on weight again. And I'm sure that if I do, people will say how I used to be thin. I know because I've been through this at a smaller intensity before. Fun, huh?

Another subtle change is how often people check me out in public now. I've always been pretty, if I can say so myself, and have had admirers. But it was never like this. I've seen people check out my friends like this but this is the first I'm experiencing it.

I went for a movie a few months back and was walking around alone in the mall while waiting for friends and was so conscious of myself because of the looks I was getting. Recently, while on a trip, a friend mentioned how a group of guys turned their heads when I walked past. I feel more conscious about my body when I'm wearing a good outfit. I feel conscious even when I'm dressed in casual oversized clothes sometimes.

It's weird. Some admiration is nice but I don't like being perceived all the time.

endnotes

If you asked me whether my life looks very different from the beginning of 2023, I would say no. It doesn't feel like my life has changed a lot because there haven't been any big changes. But there have been several small changes which, in a sense, do make my daily life different.

So much happens in a year and of course, I have a lot to say. Anyone would if they had time to think. This post, albeit being over 10k words, doesn't cover all of my thoughts and experiences. I wrote this post without referring to my journal which I filled over the past year, I had so much to say just off the top of my head.

I wanted to write this post to document the year along with my feelings during it all. Initially, this was going to be titled "A Year of Running" but I stopped running as much a few months back. And that's okay! I changed the title and wrote it anyway.

In the end, "being active" is so much more than exercise. It doesn't have to be gruelling workout routines every day. It doesn't have to be a mantra of "keep pushing."

It is also going on leisure walks, stretching in the middle of work days, and having fun by playing sports even if you're not good at them. It can be foregoing the escalator to climb stairs when you have the energy. It can look like choosing a commute that includes walking over driving.

Being active is all about moving, no matter when, how, or how often you do it. The point is to just move.

A big reason why I kept at it is that I didn't start it through a hard challenge or out of a negative feeling. I let myself try out what felt good over and over. Those decisions over time changed my routine and lifestyle.

There has been a lot of good and bad in the past year but I'm glad that I kept doing what I liked. I'm still just a woman blogging in her room on a Sunday but I'm much more confident and comfortable in my body. And that makes a difference.

be wordy with me

This post is a mammoth and took me over a month to write. It is now the longest post I've ever written and is also my most cherished post because it contains so many memories and my growth. I hope you enjoyed reading the post as much as I liked rambling 😂

Is there anything you stuck with for a year that slowly changed your life or routines? Have you received a ton of reception for something that you did over time? How did it feel? Chat with me in the comments!